*JOURNAL* Clock Sick

I went to school today. I am not the same. I am not that happy person, I am not hyper. I am thoughtful, dark, and hurt. And I'm happy because of that. I am happy because for now, I am not my multiple people. I am one person. With constant likes and dislikes. One style, one feeling. One person. I am calm and serene yet pained. But that's good enough for me. Anyways, in school I only cracked a smile every now and then. Around my friends. You know you're a true friend of mine if I have to fight a smile every time I see you. I have decided not to eliminate all my firends, but keep only my close ones. Everyone just.. fades. But then again I have all these friends that I am not super close with, that I just hang out with.. But I don't want to lose them.. Kayla and Jennifer and Koren I care about, although we're not close and whatever.. I care. I am particularly fond of Jennifer. We have English together, we make each other laugh, even when I try not to. She constantly stabs me with her pencil. Then again I'm always poking Loser Buddy ^_^ In Science I was bombarded by James and a barrage of questions. I ignored him best I could. In English I ate some of my friends Gummy Bears, a tradition. And we listen to the librarian talk about Pete Hautman's books. I am very interested in his work. During lunch I just retreated to the math room as always, waiting for Chantz to show up and accompany me like he often does.. The group is breaking up, we predicted it, just a matter of time. Time. Oh how I loathe it. I'm sick of time, Being timed. Having to rush, to hurry, to stress over my work. I can't take it. Anyways, my time went on uneventful that day suring school. I saw the school councelor during the end of fifth period that day, we talked for about 45 minutes. I watched my friends outside the window, not knowing where I was. No library I guess. I always go to the library on thursday. But not today. I went home and my Grandmother said Chantz had stopped by looking for me, she had gotten worried. Anyways, she had to go shopping and Tyler and Chantz called, asking if I wanted to meet them at Starbucks, we hung out and headed back to my house. I showed them Ukiyo. Then we went to my Mother's house. There is no school tomorrow so me and Chantz want to make plans. We want to go to the movies. I haven't seen there in a while. I am super excited.