*JOURNAL* Another Day, Another Drama

I woke up around 7:30 like usual so I could go back to Redmond with my Grandmother. Chantz called me around 8:03 when we got back to Redmond but still in the car. We talked for a bit and then I hung up. Then my troubles started.. again. My Grandmother said that Chantz likes me and she isn't stupid, I commented that why the hell does it matter who likes who, it's just emotion. I can understand where she's coming from though, she is worried I'll repeat my Nathan incident or such. But I won't. I eliminated all the bad influences or bad people in my life and surrounded myself with positive, healthy people. But in any case Chantz is my best friend. We went home and I slept. I slept past when I homed to get up, at 8. But I got up around 12:30. I rushed into my Grandmother's room, I forgot about conferences at the school! I found my Grandmother awake on her bed, a tired and aggravated look in her eyes, she was sitting slightly hunched looking at her phone. She complained that Russ had been calling her all morning. I sat on her bed, thoughtful. I knew she was going through a hard time so I thought I could do her a favor and turn the sound and vibration off, so I took the phone from her hands. I didn't snatch it away of course, she let me take it. Then she snapped at me and said she was capable of turning it off herself and began rnating. I ran off to my room, pride hurt. I am constantly called selfish by my family yet they seem to know nothing of the matter. I am not selfish, of course I wouldn't callmyself selfless but I am very considerate. Most all my actions are for the benefit of others yet no one sees that. I can't explain these situations but it's always for others. No one gets it. I don't know why. But it kills me, literally, to be percieved as something I am completely not. And I';m not just going off the hook here and trying to be a heroine or anything. I could care less about what people percieve me as, as long as it's true. I am about honesty and it kills me that people scoff at that. I am honest, but lately I've wondered if that's bad or good, being honest is good because people can trust me and know I'm true, but maybe I'm too honest and brutal and offend people? I am also brave and fearless in most situations, but that can also make me fierce and headstrong, snappy and violent. I am trustworthy, I can relate or help almost anyone, but I feel as if I am too trusting and I keep getting hurt. It seems everything in life is equally bad and good, we just have to choose what is worth what. Anyways, I was very hurt and sat in my room crying to myself until my Grandmother came in and asked whn the movie started, I said around 3:30 and she asked who was going. I still had to call them I said. She left and I called people. Jordan didn't pick up her phone til the 3rd time I called when she had just walked through the door. Then she said Tyler was over and she'd call back later and huing up, she didn't call back. I called Maggie but she was at Tabitha's house. I called Tyanne and we talked but then she said she was grounded and couldn't go, I began to sound a bit upset or irratated on the phone. I'm just sick that this always happens, she is either hanging out with someone else or just doesn't want to leave the house, yeah, avoiding much? Then I got pissed off because she said if I was gonna sound like that then she didn't want to talk to me and hung up. WHAT THE HELL. I thought I actually meant something to her, my bad. Another person who ground me in the dirt. That's 3 so far. Jordan, Brianna, and now Tyanne. But me and Jordan made up. I don't know about Brianna nd Tyanne though. Although I'm still affected by the stuff Jordan said about me. I tried calling Rafael butI hung up right before it rang. Nervous, much? Haha. I'm phone-shy sometimes. Anyways I told my Grandmother Chantz was the only one could attend, she said she didn't like that and I broke down. She doesn't like the fact Chantz and I hang out a lot. So what? Chantz is my best friend yet just because he is a GUY I am not allowed to go places. That is FREAKING MESSED UP. After bawling and calling Chantz saying I couldn't go and hanging up and turning off my phone my Grandmother comes in saying Chantz called her to talk. Then she says she didn't say I couldn't go and blah blah and tells me she'll take me but I better get my butt ready because we had to leave in 20 minutes in order to get money and get dropped off. I called Rafael finally with courage and asked if he could go, I'd love it if my Loser-Buddy came! But he had to babysit, AWW DARN!!! D: Anyways, I promised that next time I wanted to go to the movies I'd plan it around Rafael's schedule <3. I went to the theatre and Chantz paid for my ticket and his and I paid for the snacks. We had a ton of fun, the movie was good. We saw The Eye. It was quite good. Chantz was a pansy and I only jumped once. Haha good times. There was barely anyone in the theatre, maybe 12 people? Then I came home and got ready to go to Mother's house. We ate Taco Bell on the way. Then I got here and wrote this while trying on my Mother's clothes that Erika kept bringing in. No clue how I'll spend tomorrow.