-JOURNAL- Up Late Pondering

Yes it's past midnight and I'm supposed to be sleeping on the couch, not awake on the computer. But I am excited for some reason, I feel it in my gut. My mind is racing, I have so many things I'm thinking about. School, love, friends, death, sleep, vampires, Valentine's Day, money, and where the hell my necklace is. I was in the Dalles all weekend with my friend Brianna, I got to meet her soon-to-be family. I knew Rob. I met Matthew, apparently I'm his girlfriend now, oh great I'm dating a 6-year-old! I met Lance, he's an ass but everyone knows that. I met Lester, he's a sweety but by far the most immature man I've laid eyes on. I met a couple ladies but they didn't pike any interest for me. I met the boogey man, he looked like Santa Claus. And on my last night there I met Brad. He smells good.. I also like to rub his stubble on his chin. He seems like a decent guy and he has manners, but he's too loved, I have to be careful. I missed school today because we only got back to my house after school was out. My Grandmother works 3 nights a week and so I go to my Mom's house. Only place I can get on the computer. I have a computer at home but we don't have the money for internet. I have a library card but *someone* caused me $165.80 of fines on my card!! BRIANNA!!!!! I am so not paying for that!! I am busy feeling my bare neck, I chopped my hair off on Friday, a few days ago. It's shorter than my chin but below my ears. I cut my hair when I'm pissed. Pretty soon I'll be bald, heh. My hair is a nice dirty blonde that appears brown, it matches my slightly tanned skin and hazel eyes, giving me a neutral, earthy look. I don't look good in anything other than green, brown, or red. But I love black. I can't wait for school tomorrow, I love school. It gets me away from home and I love my teachers, the work, and actually my friends are the part that suck. I'm currently a Freshman and I go to RHS, Hartman Campus. It's pretty awesome. I don't go to first period though, I need my sleep or I get rather emotional and unstable. So I am going to take two trimesters of Geography online, but I haven't even started yet because of no computer internet!!! I am passing most of my classes, except the easiest class ever and my passion; Drawing and Painting!! This is because I have a lot of trouble with turning my crap in.. Yeah. Love is on my mind because I dispise and loathe it, it's poisen and I try everything in my power not to fall prey to it. I've been screwed over too often, by friends, guys, people, passions. But I always give love another chance.. and get screwed again. But oh well, good thing pain is something I enjoy, cause I can never escape it. I'm really focused on my friends and my "friends". I am honestly and truely confused about who I am and I act different depending on many things; location, company, sounds, events, etc. And I don't like it. I want to be one person. And because I am many things, I get along with everyone. I don't want to. I hang out with bad people that make me do bad things. I hang out with traitors who backstab me. I hang out with liars who don't give a damn. I want to hang out with a select group of people who know me and everything about me and will be there.. for real.. I am actually tearing up because I'm thinking about my best friend ever Tyanne. I love her more than the world and the moon. I'd give my life for her happiness. She means so much to me. She is who I call crying, she is who I visit. She is my everything.. Or was. Now.. We never even talk.. She never calls, in the hallways she avoids my glances and doesn't return my "hi's", she is avoiding me and it is killing me so deeply. Even if she doesn't love me any longer, I love her, and I won't leave. I told her I wouldn't and that is one thing I never plan to break. I'm thinking about Valentine's Day because I have work to do. I'm making all my cards and at first I was making over 30 because of all my friends, but even when I decide on only giving them to my close friends it still comes to twenty. I get too close to easily. I want only a few great friends. Not many okay ones. And I am honestly wondering where my necklace is..... I've got it 10 years ago, and found it a few weeks ago and wore it everyday. It is a metal hand with marble in the middle and it hangs on a string of rope. It is intriguing and unique and many people ask me where I got it.. But it also has the tendancy to fall off.. Which is what it did. I cannot find it, it may be at my house or Mother's.. I hope. I also bounced and skipped around town that day with Brianna and a couple others. I hope like hell it didn't fall.... Oh please, I want it back.. Well I'm going to go try to get to sleep. I'll post when I get a chance again.